Just Say No (Thank You)

It's important to just say no.

It has recently come to my attention that many folks have to work on their "saying no" skills. A friend mentioned that he was actively "working on" his ability to decline requests or invitations that did not align with his priorities or well-being, and described the relief and freedom he felt as a result of setting these boundaries; and I concur. The ability to be (or become) your authentic self, living life without regrets, can take time and practice, but it is a skill which is crucial for your overall happiness; as is the skill of saying no politely.

The concept of saying no is often fraught with emotional complexities. Societal expectations surrounding generosity and cooperation mean that people are often conditioned to prioritize the needs and desires of others, sometimes at the expense of their own well-being. Plus, people tend not to want to disappoint others or to be perceived as unhelpful, making it difficult to decline requests but necessarily leading to overcommitment, stress and burnout. When individuals feel trapped in a web of obligations they did not want to undertake in the first place, resentment naturally follows. Asserting boundaries in a respectful yet firm manner is essential and does not equate to being unkind or unhelpful.

There have been a couple of seminal times in my life when I did what I knew I shouldn't, in order to please family members & bosses, and let me tell you that those have been my biggest regrets. So, please learn from my mistakes -- if you're asked to do something you really REALLY feel deep down you might later regret, just say no. And, apparently I'm not the only one who feels this way -- see what Emily Post had to say on the subject in 1941...

Source: Emily Post Institute

I get it; it's not always easy or feasible to say no. When a boss asks you to overcommit or do something potentially shady, or when an interviewer asks an inappropriate question, and you can't afford to lose the job (or potential job), you do have to suck it up and move forward. When a loved one needs help when you really just can't stand the thought of doing whatever it is, but you know there is literally no way around it, you just need to suck it up and do whatever it is. But, hopefully, these situations are/ will be few and far between.

So HOW do you politely say no once you've made up your mind to do so? Miss Manners emphasizes that a simple, firm no is both polite and effective. Her guidance includes responding with, "Oh, I'm so terribly sorry, I just can't," and if asked why, simply, “Because I'm afraid it's just impossible.” The challenge, of course, lies in managing the silence after saying no. Here is a meme I found with some more modern options:

How to say no politely

Saying no is not merely about rejecting requests; it is about fostering a culture where individuals feel empowered to prioritize their own well-being without guilt or fear of judgment. I would argue that by normalizing the practice of saying no, you are actually making it easier for others to embrace this crucial skill.

Remember, your wants and needs are valid and essential for your mental health and happiness. Boundaries aren’t rejection, they’re protection, and by doing a good job of saying “no” to things you don’t want, you'll get more chances to say “yes” to things you do. [I read this someplace but can't cite the source -- sorry.]

Stay strong, my friends (and just say no)!