Companionate Love: It's The Most Important Thing
- donnaramadishes
- Aug 29
- 2 min read
The world is a pretty grim place right now for a whole lot of people, so I've been racking my brain trying to think of something sweet to share. And then I read the following Facebook post and knew this was it. I can not agree more with the premise that companionate love is the secret to long and happy marriages, but I would extend the premise to include old/ long-time platonic friendships as well.
For those of us lucky enough to be in great romantic and/ or platonic relationships, the following will surely resonate. For those who are not finding satisfaction in the close relationships they have, perhaps this explains why.
Here's to appreciating our long-lasting loves -- romantic and platonic -- during these difficult times.
xoxo
Posted on Facebook (August 25th, 2025) by Arthur Brooks:
“I think I may have met my future wife,” I told my father on the phone, “but there are a few issues.”
To be precise: I met the woman in question on a weeklong trip to Europe, she lived in Spain, we’d only been on a couple of dates, and we didn’t speak a word of the same language. Obviously, I told my amused father, “she has no idea I plan to marry her.” But I was 24 and lovestruck, and none of that stopped me from embarking on a quixotic romantic adventure.
After a year punctuated by two frustratingly short visits, I quit my job in New York and moved to Barcelona with a plan to learn the language and a prayer that when she could actually understand me, she might love me.
Falling in love can be exhilarating, but it isn’t the secret to happiness per se. The secret to happiness is staying in love. This does not simply mean sticking together legally. Research shows that being married accounts for only 2 percent of subjective well-being later in life. The true key is relationship satisfaction, which depends on what psychologists call “companionate love”—love grounded less in passionate highs and lows and more in stable affection, mutual understanding, and commitment.
Being rooted in friendship is why companionate love creates true happiness. Passionate love, based on attraction, rarely lasts beyond the novelty stage. Companionate love, however, thrives on familiarity and shared life. As one researcher bluntly summarized in the Journal of Happiness Studies: “The well-being benefits of marriage are much greater for those who also regard their spouse as their best friend.” Best friends get enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning from each other’s company. They bring out the best in one another, gently tease one another, and have fun together.
And after 33 years of marriage, I can say with certainty: being married to my wife, my best friend, has been the greatest source of happiness in my life.